Bidaai without tears

My marriage was solemnized in early 80s, an era of simple wedding, ‘Band, Baaja and Baarat’ sans over-the-top extravagance of today. It was the time when Bollywood had not made its mark on Indian weddings except for ‘Babul ki duayen leti jaa ……,maike ki kabhi na yaad ayee jaa tujh ko sukhi sansaar mile….’, the sentimental track that resonated at the time of doli ( bidaai ) in every marriage.


My wedding was, in no way, a mega affair, however , the arrangements for the wedding ceremony were made in a hotel. The bidaai was in taron ki chchavo mein (under the stars) in wee hours of the morning, which is a tradition in most Hindu weddings in Punjab .


The pheras were held late at night in the hotel and bidai was also from the hotel itself. I don’t remember if the film sentimental track was played at the time of my bidaai ,but I do remember tears eluded me. No emotional outburst, no crying… There I was trying hard to cry but not a single tear rolled down my eyes. In fact , I was numb , I didn’t feel a thing – no sorrow , no excitement , no emotions whatsoever.

Today the girls would be waving happily while bidding good bye at the time of their bidaai but in my times it was different. I felt embarrassed for not having tears in my eyes. To give you an idea: After the jai-mala, two of us, the bride and the bride-groom were sitting on the stage and I might have been giving smiles to the people around .And there I got a message from my bua , my paternal aunt, to behave  soberly like a coy bride. Now you can imagine my discomfiture at not shedding a tear on my bidaai .

Not that I am not emotional , rather any scene of bidaai can bring tears to my eyes . I have always been much attached with my home , very close to my parents, my brother and sister . In fact , it had not been easy for me to stay away from them . When I had to go to a different city for MPhil , I missed home a lot . Every Monday morning when I went back to the hostel after spending weekend at home , my tears won’t stop , The same story continued even after I started teaching in a college away from home . I was staying in the college hosteI and would cry and cry. It was only after a few days , when I got an indirect warning from the principal that those who were not comfortable were free to leave that I learnt to control myself .

It has been decades since I got married but I still get emotional, have moist eyes every time I bid farewell to my folks at my parental home .But on that day tears made a vanishing trick from my eyes.

What happened on my bidaai, where my tears disappeared continues to be a puzzle for me till date , though long back I stopped being embarrassed about not shedding tears on my Bidaai.