“You always speak in Hindi, while your husband converses with you in Punjabi.” I looked at my friend in disbelief when she pointed out . Months into my marriage, I was blissfully unaware of the anomaly that we were conversing in two different languages, speaking with each other in our own comfort language, a lingo that the other person was conversant with.
The fact is, my husband, born and brought up in the erstwhile princely state of Kaputhala in Punjab, is through and through a Punjabi. Quite obviously, he loves to speak in his mother tongue Punjabi at home. If you ask my mother tongue, it’s a tricky question that involves tracing my roots and family tree. I may call myself a Punjabi, but my grandparents both, paternal and maternal, hailed from Multan, now in Pakistan, and their native language was Multani, a distinct dialect somewhat close to Punjabi. Uprooted from their homeland at the time of partition, they came as refugees, and settled in Punjab, and in and around Delhi. Except for my grandparents, no one else in the family spoke Multani, not even my parents who seemed to have left behind their native language in Pakistan along with their belongings.
Don’t be perplexed when I say I am a Punjabi, but my mother tongue is Hindi. Strange it may sound, but my parents conversed with each other in Punjabi, while with us, the children, they would talk in Hindi. Perhaps that has been the culture in most families staying in Delhi. I was born in Delhi, stayed in Uttar Pradesh for a few years and spent most of my growing up years at Jalandhar, the place of my father’s last posting where he settled after his retirement. My education has mainly been in Punjab in English medium. However, for me English has always been an official language, meant for learning, teaching, reading and writing, but certainly not my comfort language at home.
Of course, I can read and write Gurmukhi (Punjabi script) and also can speak Punjabi. However, the language in which I feel most comfortable is none other than Hindi that comes naturally and effortlessly to me without any pretense. I don’t know if Hindi fits into the definition of my mother tongue, but this is the language in which I think and emote. It is another matter that my Hindi is quite different from the one that my cousins settled in Bihar and UP speak. Mine is ‘Dilliwali Hindi’ with a slight Punjabi touch, peppered with quite a few English words.
We have been married for four decades, but neither has my husband tried to impose his language on me nor have I. My husband, as always, speaks with me in Punjabi, his native language while I talk in Hindi. Both of us express our thoughts, opinions and emotions in our own comfort language. This is the way it is, and, believe me, there has never been any issue on this account. Conversing with each other in our own comfort language has not been a barrier; rather, a bridge that makes communication easier and more authentic.
Let me end the piece with a quote of Mahatma Gandhi, “Swaraj should not mean imposition of one language over those who speak a different language.” And this is what we have been practicing at home.
(Published in the November 2024 issue of Woman’s era magazine)
Fun fact .. Papa speaks to you and his siblings in Punjabi. He speaks to us in Hindi 🤷♂️..
Also I did not know you have lived in UP as well. I thought it was Delhi followed by Jalandhar
Ha .. ha . It may sound funny but this is the reality.
Do you know who pointed out ? Madan aunty was the one to make this grand revelation to me.
It seems this runs in the family. Even chachi talks in Hindi , though I am not sure if chachu always speaks with her in punjabi.
Dear Rama how you take up different topics but they relate to many of us . Same way I and my husband always spoke in Punjabi with each other but with children we spoke in Hindi.
And my Hindi has also got Punjabi accent . When I appeared for interview for PhD in Hindi , they told me speak in Hindi for 2 minutes but I did not come to their standard . I was selected to do PhD on my essay write up . . Kudos to you you are multifaceted
Thanks dear Mrs Luthra. It is always a pleasure to read your candid comment.
The anecdote that you shared of your PHD interview is really amusing. But then it is so natural – whichever language one may speak in , Hindi or English, it has to have a touch of one’s native language.
Interesting article Rama.
I can relate to the content as my parents’ families also migrated from Pakistan & spoke in Punjabi with each other but since I was raised in UP they would converse with me in Hindi or English.
Getting married into a typical Punjabi family made me learn Punjabi , so today I converse with Punjabis & Hindi/ English speaking people in their comfort language.
Well written as always Rama.
Keep the creative ideas flowing .
Thanks Pamela.When I wrote the piece, I was not sure of the response. I am glad you found it interesting and relatable.🙏 ♥️
Where goes our energy.. Things happen…
Your focus on language we use gave us an interesting article to read…
Beautifully you traced how language originates… From mother tongue.. To places we live in.. N how dilect of the region comes in our expression…
It’s lovely to read when two persons click each other… Or understand.. Care… N love… They are unconscious of the language being used.. For they are clicking from hearts n bonding matters more…
You revived my memories of Royal State Kapurthala… My birth place..
Be blessed always.. Every word is from your heart.. ❣️
Wow di ! Loved your take and philosophy. You always go deep into the topic.
Not that we are a lovie-dovie couple.. it is just that it never bothers us that we speak in two different languages. .. no imposition on the other parter . Wish this is true in all matters .
Thanks di. Always beholden to you for your love and good wishes .
Very interesting writing Rama Ji
Thanks Simran for your kind words. Glad you found the piece interesting.
Madam,it was not only Madan aunty,I was also surprised.
I was your teenage innocent student and my father was posted at Chandigarh .At that same time,my father’s colleague(and best friend) was Sardana uncle,a sikh. Uncle could speak only in Punjabi where as my father was from Eastern U.P. I used to be surprised if my economics teacher could be perfect in hindi ,why couldn’t uncle.And if Uncle could speak Punjabi ,my teacher never speak.
Later,I realized language is not much important.Punjabi songs are popular even in Tamil Nadu.So,Bhasha is not a problem.
Garima , you have transported me to my youth … can’t tell you how elated I am to recall my maiden surname.
Thank you , thank you Garima.
Sending you loads of love with blessings..
Sorry madam,I forgot to put my name.
No worries! Now I know .
Enjoyed reading this piece. As long as one can decode the words , the language doesn’t matter. Same thing happening between me n my hubby. He converses in English while mine is more hinglish. With time he has picked up Hindi while my English got some boost.
Keep it up. Shall look forward to your next article.
‘ Ham bane tum bane ik suje ke liye ‘ sounds so romantic !
On a serious note ,I agree language doesn’t matter even if two people speak different languages provided they are conversant with the other’s language.
Thanks Anshula for sharing your interesting story.
What an interesting and relatable article Rama. Hindi and Punjabi that we speak are so close to each other that it hardly matters. My parents also spoke Punjabi . With us also it was punjabi most of the times but we siblings always spoke in hindi/ English with each other. Now when you have written about it how funny a stranger would find when the family is together, I communicate with my Mom in Punjabi, with my brothers in hindi and with my husband in English/ Hindi . My mom speaks in Punjabi with me and in Hindi/ English with my husband. Three languages juxtaposing over each other. I think families in our times were like this only.
Thanks Alka . I am glad you found the article interesting and relatable. I thought our family was the odd one , but here I find it is the story in many a families.
The most interesting is the way the same person switches the language depending upon the person one is talking to . In your case , your mom speaks with you in Punjabi and with your husband she converses in Hindi/ English.
Actually Punjabi accent enters in all dialects of India love within the family flourish’s with it.
Thanks dear Mrs Chopra. Yes , if you are Punjabi, you ought to be having a Punjabi accent.
And Punjabi songs are popular all over the country.
Balle balle !!