There is nothing exceptional about getting a text message from a student on Teachers’ Day. These days it’s quite common for the students to wish their teachers on social media. But this message, posted by an old student on my Facebook timeline, was different- the first of its kind. It was neither a greeting nor a ‘thank you’ note but the ventilation of pent up anger and grouse held against me for over a decade.
Written in chaste Hindi, the message read that every year on Teachers’ Day the girl remembered me. In her eyes, I was the culprit who came in her way of realizing her dream of becoming a lecturer. She had to settle down in another career, though a decent government job, nevertheless not her dream profession. The girl was bitter for not having been selected for the post of Economics lecturer in the college which she believed she deserved. She felt that she was a victim of nepotism, and somehow held me responsible for the supposed injustice meted out to her.
I could understand her disappointment but was stunned by this public accusation for something that I was not guilty of. Even if there had been any favourtism in the selection process, at least I was not aware of. I was just a member, the junior-most, in the six-member interview board. But why did she blame me? The only plausible explanation could be that she might have felt reassured to find me, her own teacher, in the selection committee and was upset on not having been selected. But then, it does happen. The rejected candidates normally tend to blame it on partiality.
Coming back to my reaction to her post, I was taken aback by the allegation made on social media but wasn’t unduly disturbed. I was mature enough to take the criticism, though ill founded, in my stride. Instead of holding anything against her, I felt sorry for the poor girl for carrying pain and resentment against me for all these years. I wrote a long note trying to assuage her feeling and wished her the best in life.
There was no response from the girl. However, a few others commented on the post. In reply to someone’s comment, I found yet another caustic remark from her, “Under certain circumstances, some teachers act like Dronacharya.” As per the story in Mahabharta, Guru Drona asked Eklavya’s right thumb as his Guru Dakshina (deed of appreciation by a student for the teacher) so as to cripple him. I don’t know what she had in mind; however, this time I chose not to react.
The episode was an eye-opener for me. It realized how vulnerable you are on social media. Anyone can post anything against you. People may criticize you unfairly and even abuse you on social media. To deal with criticism, it is always better to control your reaction, process condemnation. If you wish to say sorry, you may but apologize conservatively. However, you should never dwell on the criticism, be thick skinned.
You must remember that comments, positive or negative, on social media are likely to be exaggerated. There are times when you get compliments that you don’t deserve and also it is quite possible you may draw flak for no reason. Well! If you embrace accolades with open heart, you should be prepared for brickbats. The way to maintain your mental equilibrium is never to take compliments to your head and criticism to your heart. Another important lesson that I learnt from this episode is not to engage with hate mongers. The more you comment on a post, the more the chances are of a post getting viral on social media. The best way to cut the chain of negativity is ‘no comment’, just ignore. ‘Silence is golden’; the golden rule to avoid altercations in the real world works equally in the virtual world.
(Published in January 2025 issue of Woman’s era)
Very Strange!
How can you blame your teacher for not selected for a job,without any proof.Posted on public platform ,that too on Teacher’s day.
Unacceptable.
Ma’am ,I completed graduation about more than four decades back.But still remember my college and teachers for impartiality and affection.I was new in the city ,a simple hindi medium student. My teachers affectionately encouraged me to work hard for better performance.Sweet memories!
Thanks Garima for all your love and reverence for your your teachers . However, it is not right to expect the same response from everyone. Experience, circumstances and expectations differ, so does the behaviour.
I have nothing against the girl. She is an intelligent, gentle, and otherwise a sober girl . It is just that sometimes one feels so wronged that one can’t contain oneself from reacting brazenly.
Rama dear,as always you rock with another truth.So well written.l always look forward for your writeups.God bless my beautifully ornamented(in n out)friend.
Thanks dear for your generous compliments. Praveen, all I can say is that a beautiful person finds beauty everywhere. Needles to say , you are one of those rare blessed ones – a beauty inside out.
Your truthfulness proves your virtues Rama !!The student holding grudge against you seems to be irrational because she blamed you for the wrong that you had never committed. I feel sorry for her as she locked the ability to recognize gem of a person like you
You are absolutely correct such people deserve to be ignored completely .
Another meaningful article Rama. Good going.
Thanks Neelam for reading and appreciating. I can’t say about myself but I certainly know that I am blessed to have gems like you as my friend for decades .
Rama, this article shows that the depth of your maturity is unfathomable. You must have performed your duty well in the interest of the organization which doesn’t necessarily mean that you select or recommend selection just because the candidate was your student at one time. People use all sorts of methods to demean others but intelligence lies, which you applied, is to let it go. Critisism means you are an important personality to cause a comment upon. Good going on social media as well Rama.
Thanks Narinder. It’s always a pleasure reading your indepth analysis.
In all humility I accept your appreciation of my conduct. However, I know that not reacting to criticism on social media is much easier than doing the same in the real world.
One should not give too much hype to such negative comments . If thousands of your students are your admirers than one negative remark can not tarnish your prestige as a good teacher. She as our student will understand your real situation in selection board when she with your blessings will be a member. Rama you are The Best .
Humbled…
In gratitude 🙏🙏
Deep sympathies to poor child on your ingnorance n little knowledge about selection process in any profession..!!!!!
Presence of an acquitance in selection committee can not assure success for little power in individual hand….
It’s our Karmas that decide our rewards not someone else
.
Uncontrolled negative comments holding grudges to d extent torturing others show our disturbed mental status… Her liw energies.. God be with you..
She is lucky that her targets were you Rma for whom forgiving is easy otherwise bad consequences are natural..
Social media never grants us irresponsibilty n respect n decency has to be mantained primarily…
Fools quote from Bible.. to prove them..
Is an example..
Your strength Rma in not only forgiving but also blessing her is what I honour… It enhances your inbuilt skill in creating content in social media n using it where truth prevails always in reading your articles…
Be blessed dear Junior you have to go beyond..
It needs courage to share such an incident.. It makes you fearless..
Thanks Anjana di for your detailed- insightful comment.
Di ,I don’t take credit for doing anything exceptional.. most of us at this stage in life would have done the same .
You know that I draw inspiration to write from my own experiences and hence the piece .
Thanks for your love a d blessings.
Very touching and painful dear Rama ji beautifully expressed.
Thanks Simran for reading the article and resonating with it .
Yes, I have experienced such things not in social media but personally when I was a teacher.
Congratulations on the publication
In gratitude 🙏
A very well written confessional piece. While sharing your experience you have rendered a wonderful piece of advice to the social media lovers of today. The principle of ignoring negative comments is as worthy of praise as accolades not inflating your ego. Truly you gracefully maintained your equanimity through the entire episode.
I am overwhelmed.. elated that my very dear learned friend found the article interesting and meaningful.
Thanks Praveen for your generous compliments .
Such a beautiful expression dear Rama . You are indeed a gem of a person who is my best friend. Your. views are crystal clear just like your heart. I fully endorse your thinking. God bless you dear. Keep writing as Maa Saraswati is always blessing you
Omg ! Neelam, I am overwhelmed by your generous compliments. If writing such articles can win the hearts of my friends, I would concoct such stories everyday. However, this is a real incident. You know , Neelam , I can’t write fiction.
Thanks a ton dear for the motivation.
Nicely described episode dear Rama . Although things happen as per destiny but youngsters are quick to troll or vent out on social media. It takes maturity of mind to realise that things happen as per higher cosmic plan but the way the girl vented out clearly reflects abuse of social media . No reaction is the biggest reaction ! the golden rule as you truly quoted ! ‘ Just chill ‘ is my take and do not leave your marvellous expressive writing
Tareef karna tp koi aapse sekhe .. 😊
Thanks a ton Vini for your kind words .
Wow !Loved your one- liner ‘No reaction is the biggest reaction.’We keep learning from each other.
Rama dear ,a very well written article, speaks volumes of your transparency and truthfulness… it is rightly said ‘jo chand pe thukta hei us per hi girta hei,’.
Forgive and forget is the best policy…keep smiling and regaling us with your writings…God bless 🙌
I can’t thank you enough dear Mrs Dhawan for your love.. feel blessed.
Grateful always.
Very thought provoking article. Freedom of speech & expression sometimes proves to be a bane if used unmindfully & irresponsibly.
Social media is a platform used mindlessly by younger generation.
There’s little one can do about the posts except to take them in your stride— just like you did.
Kudos for dealing with this incident so well & sharing your experience with us .👍
Thank you so much Pamela for your generous appreciation. In fact , I must compliment you for the way you have put forth your views beautifully in a concise manner. 🙏♥️