“For husband and shoes, one should look for comfort rather than style.” It’s a sharp one-liner from legendary actress Sharmila Tagore that I still remember, even though I read it decades ago. It was published in the now-defunct ‘The Illustrated Weekly of India’, a highly popular magazine during my growing-up days. Back then, as a dreamy-eyed teenager, I was charmed by the tall, dark and handsome heroes of Mills and Boon novels, even though they were arrogant, rude and often cold and distant. Smitten as I was by these heroes, I found her statement absurd and her advice rather strange.
At that time, I could hardly appreciate the quiet wisdom in her advice, but now I do. Five decades later, the truth of her sentiment rings clear; for both husbands and shoes, it is not fleeting style but comfort that truly carries you through life with ease. What you wear on your feet and the person with whom you spend your life ought to be comfortable. It is the quiet dependability that truly matters. A nagging spouse and pinching shoes are a relentless torture.
That stylish pair – a glossy stiletto or a pointed, trendy leather boot might catch your eye. You feel confident and chic wearing them, but after a while, if they begin to pinch your toes or rub your heel raw, the style loses all its appeal. Now, all you can think about is kicking them off.
Sure, footwear should ideally be cozy and chic, but if you have to choose, comfort must be the absolute priority, no contest. There is no point in wearing a striking pair if your feet feel miserable with every aching step.
The same can be said, in a way, about the man who walks beside you through life. You may initially be fascinated by outward appearance, his charm or the style’, but ultimately, it is enduring comfort that truly matters. You realize how misguided you were, in your teens, to be fascinated by a handsome, yet emotionally distant hero.
Such an arrogant, good-looking man may seem romantic in books, but not in real life. When the day-to-day realities and mundane routines set in, you want a shoulder to lean on. To face unexpected challenges of life, you need someone reliable to bank on, not a ‘tall, dark, and handsome’ person who remains aloof and distant.
You don’t want a ‘stylish’ man who speaks in monosyllables and gives you the silent treatment; you want someone warm, friendly and emotionally available. And the same applies to a wife. While looks may capture the eye, it is comfort that sustains the heart. You yearn for a partner who supports you without pretense, whose presence allows you to feel completely and effortlessly at ease. A true companion is the one who understands you quirks and accepts your flaws.
Of course, a little bit of flair in shoes or a touch of charm in a life partner adds a sparkle to the journey. But when it comes down to what truly lasts and supports you in the long run, comfort reigns supreme. After all, life is a marathon, not a sprint. You need shoes and a spouse that can go the distance with you, comfortably and genuinely.
(Published in Woman’s era May 2026 issue)
I fully agree. In fact, after 40 years of marriage, I’ve discovered an important difference between shoes and spouses.
If your shoes start pinching, you can replace them. If your spouse starts pinching (figuratively 😂), you learn to adjust your walking style. 😄
The other lesson life teaches is that comfort itself changes with age. In our twenties, “comfort” meant excitement, mystery and butterflies. In our sixties, it means someone who remembers where you left your glasses, reminds you to take your medication, and still tolerates your stories even though they’ve heard them at least 27 times before.
As for Sharmila Tagore’s advice, I think she was only half right. The ideal spouse (not just husband ) should be like a good pair of walking shoes: comfortable, dependable, supportive, and stylish enough that you’re still happy to be seen with them after fifty years!
What a brilliant detailed analysis! Ramesh, you are always witty and articulate but this one is awesome.
Thanks for your witty comment.
Rama you have again picked up important issue relating to long long stretched marital relationship .Yes after reaching certain stage of life you want to be at peace with yourself ..While dealing with various health issues and physical pains one automatically learns to deal with emotional pain also and physical charm,looks do not remain that important. Choosing silence over words is my way of dealing with it but sometimes it’s really suffocating. Anyway this is life and you have to fight it out the way it is. Your article was thought provoking my reaction is proof loud and clear
Yes Neelam, over time relative importance of charm diminishes . There comes a stage in life when you prefer comfort over style. I like what Ramesh said humorously if your spouse starts pinching , you learn to adjust your walking style.
Rama, absolutely true. If shoes are uncomfirtable and they pinch by virtue of their faulty design, not because they are new, then you never worn by us, how attractive they may be. Now turn towards your spouse. They age at which we then tied as per our parents wish will and wisdom used to be the age of puppy love, fascination of good looks and physical attraction. Choosing partner of your choice and crush was a far cry unless one was extensively bold or families knew each other or truely speaking if you could manage a Pataudi yourself with hidden support of the parents. So we all barring few are singing the same song” Jo Mill gaya ussee ko muqadar samajh liya”. Unlike western, our society and Sharm-o-hayaa dictates us that this life long pinching shoe has to be worn without ado or fuss. Jai Hind
Thanks Narinder. It is always a pleasure reading your witty , candid comments. Yes , for our generation it is ‘Rabb nei bana di jodi ‘ and ‘jo mil gaya use muqqadar samajh liya .’
Rama dear very well articulated and out of box topic you have touched. Legendry Sharmila ji’s words speak volume of her experience (not personal of course) the couple enjoyed good chemistry n compatibility. Being fascinated at some age in not wrong either. When one starts choosing the life partner one goes after looks, style, dressing sense and all. साथ चलने लायक तो हो। though after marriage all this becomes immaterial, comfort n compatability matters the most. Yes if the life partner has all the qualities with comfort this is a cherry on the cake. These days the boys and girls who have yet to make the choice of life partner if you quote these words so that they are not mislead n misguided उन्हें ये ज्ञान की बातें अच्छी नहीं लगती this is not an eye opener for them. Yes this is also a fact we can discard or adjust with pinching shoes but relations are for life time and we learn the lesson of selecting wisely.
So well analysed dear Uma ! Style ( looks, personality) is the first thing that catches the eye but comfort factor you get to know when you start living together.Definitely over time comfort and compatibility become more important.
Thank you so much for taking time to read and post your in-depth comment .
Rama you are such a dearie!
You have the knack of picking up relatable issues but this time you have taken up a very sensitive subject…the crux of the story is that shoes and spouse need to be comfortable and compatible……but one thing I have noticed around any spouse whether parents ‘choice or your own , the comfort level of relationship is set after having lived together for quite sometime 🤔
Deeply analyzed well written article.👏
Oh yes dear Mrs Dhawan, I agree 💯 .While other things can be judged, comfort and compatibility one gets to know over a period of time .
The takeaway from the legendary actor’s one-liner could be: Don’t be dazzled by charm and looks of a person, try to look for other factors.
And ultimately, no marriage can work without adjustment on the part of both the partners . Always grateful to you for reading my posts and encouraging me.
Very relatable. The things which matter so much early in life become insignificant as age advances. Very well written Rama. Kudos 👍
Thanks Pamela for reading and sharing your views. Yes dear , it is easy to be dazzled by looks and charm but with time all these things become immaterial. Ultimately it is comfort that matters in a happy relationship .
Article is quite relatable to every bodies married life. We all face ups & downs in our behavioural adjustments. What I love the most is that understanding or no understanding Indian Couples stay together till they are separated by destiny.
I loved your article very much.
Well said dear Mrs Chopra. For our generation marriages are supposed to be ‘made in heaven’.Comfort or no comfort, marriage is to last for lifetime. Adjustment is the key to seeking compatibility in a marriage.
Rama this is definitely one of the best. Footwear and husband’s have to be comfortable. How true. Most of us have been lucky with respect to spouses. Mine had lots of wit and charm too. To match his height I always wore high heeled stilettos for years together and college gave us the privilege to be always clad in a Saree. I was too happy. Then because of back issues ( Stilettos were definitely a reason) the heel started to shorten and now I wear total flats, wearing Sarees less often, comfort became important and the spouse is not at all bothered. Maybe because of the total comfort we have with each other nobody notices the height difference too. He is still tall and handsome and i have become two by two portable, but it hardly matters. Comfort with friends doesn’t let them notice. This article was totally enjoyable. Tomorrow I am going to read it out to Bharat too.
Coming from your heart , this is very very sweet . .. Loved it . Alka, having known each other for more than four decades , I know every word that you have written is true. Stay blessed enjoying blissful togetherness.
Thanks dear for sharing your heartening story.
Rama ji,
I thoroughly enjoyed reading your witty yet realistic article. The similarity between the two subjects is striking! Both reveal their true qualities and colours only after spending a long time together in the woods! The wise individuals choose what remains with them for a lifetime and are not easily dazzled by superficial shine.
This applies to both genders.
As for me, I rarely wore heels, possibly because I often travelled by DTC buses, and at that time, ‘Kohlapuri Chappals’ were more fashionable.
I know, Vibha , you never wear heels .. and it’s because you stand tall towering over us .
On a serious note , you are a mature person with not just wisdom but also the guts to do what you feel right . Salute you dear !!
What a wonderfully nostalgic read, dear Rama. Reflecting on the trends of our era—from The Illustrated Weekly and the quest for a “TDH” boy, to Sharmila Tagore and Mills & Boon—really resonates deeply.
But the absolute highlight has to be your brilliant punchline: when it comes to both husbands and shoes, comfort matters far more than style. It is catchy, incredibly witty, and true to the core! (And a definite “no-no” to the Shashi Tharoor types! 😅)
Your inner philosopher completely floored me. Splendidly written, my dear!
I am grinning from ear to ear . I am soooo happy that you loved it .
Thanks a ton dear Vini for your generous compliment, though I hardly deserve. While you write so well instantaneously, I take time to write a piece.
Thanks dear one again.
Rma dear.
In d marathon of life your sentiments regarding two very close to heart of any woman..Her husband n stiletto…
Very interesting to read… With rich vocabulary n time to time feelings..
Do you remember English class.. Prif Tikkoo.. Teaching us prose n Merchant Of Venice..
Your article sent me there..!!!!!!!
Yes those Mills n Boons heroes… Horses n tall handsome riders…
In teen age what else attracts more..????
Chasing with eyes pointed sandels…
Principal Dr. Atma Ram.. In GCG.. Chd.. Used to wear…
Her intellectualism.. From head to toe……
Beyond…
But we all bought stilettos….
Pride much more valuable than hard practice to carry it…
Yes.. An attractive partener.. Always welcome… But in ground realities of life… Mills n Boon hero will not come.. But understanding n sincere husband is a support handling issues….
Concluding line summes up wisely all thoughts..
We cherish comfort.. More… As life advances.. N in d final phase of life style can be forgone… But sincerity n Genuinity overcome adding grace unmatchable…
Congrats touching lively issue..
Be blessed..
♥
Thanks di . I always enjoy reading your detailed comment that goes back and forth on memory lane . I am astounded by your vivid memory.
Very interesting.. our fascination for TDH MB heroes, high heels ..
And with age reality begins to hit .. it is not the charm but sincerity, comfort and support that really matter .
Waah!What a comparison!
Comfortable shoe=comfortable marriage
Pinching shoes relates uncomfortable marriage. I didn’t know it earlier.
Ma’am, I think ours generation was the sweetest,loveliest one. Education,job,marriage (mostly decided by the parents) and we adjusted accordingly,no questions at all.
But now Lohgarh,Shillong,Bhopal ,Noida and what not!My god!Sad!
Garima dear , loved the way you have expressed commonality between shoes and spouse in equation. ( (Little bit of economic application ) 😉
You have a point. Earlier youngsters didn’t have say in many matters including choice of a partner.Hence, whether the partner pinched or not , the focus was on adjustment. But the millennials won’t take it , hence the increased divorce rates . And there are instances of heinous crimes when the partners are not to their liking.